A week later, I began to feel something move inside. That was the beginning of the dream phase. I have been seeing dreams where layers of the subconscious arise, fears, memories, and things that have long been hidden. Last night I dreamed I was cleaning dried, hardened dirt from the walls and a sink. It was stuck and difficult to remove. It was such a clear image of what is happening inside me, how the light is cleaning away old layers, even those that have not wanted to let go. But why does this purification happen? Why can’t we just stay in the state of light and love?

I held in my hands a pale pink rose I had chosen for him. I kept it close to my heart while waiting, filling it with all the love I could. When I stepped in front of him, my body was trembling and it was hard to hold back tears, because in Darshan one must look into the Guru’s eyes. I offered him the rose, and he took it and placed it against his own heart, as if knowing it had come directly from mine. Then he looked at me. That gaze was a doorway that words cannot reach. It lasted only a few seconds, but in that short time my soul remembered.

The difference is actually very simple, yet deeply transformative. For a long time, I had already lived in flow and partly surrendered, but in the background there was still the thought that everything rested on me. On my growth, my development, my realizations. On some level, I still believed that I needed to find, to understand, and to heal. This is also what is often emphasized in Western spirituality and the new age field: that all the keys are inside you, find your own power, create your reality, and heal yourself. It can be empowering and an important phase, but there is always one central point: the “I” is at the center.

When bhakti came into my life, the focus shifted. Suddenly it was no longer about me or what I was doing, but about what the Divine was doing through me. In practice, this meant that I gave my whole life into the hands of the Divine. Not only the reins, but also the horses, the chariot, and the whole journey. Everything I had tried to control was now His. And exactly there, in what before would have felt like giving up power, I discovered the true receiving of power.

When I approached the slippers, I stopped as if enchanted. From them came a divine fragrance, so sweet, deep and sacred that it brought me to my knees. I had never smelled anything like it. It was as if heaven itself had descended to earth, as if an invisible garden had opened before me. The fragrance filled my whole being and made my heart tremble. It was not just a smell in my nose, but an experience that touched my soul. In the bhakti tradition, the Guru’s feet, the lotus feet are the holiest. There his grace resides, and the disciple bows before them in love.

This writing is the first part of my new blog, My Sweet Bhakti. Sharing all this is very intimate and sacred for me, and that is why making it visible also feels a little exposing and vulnerable. I have delayed writing and hidden behind beautiful texts, but now I received a strong guidance that I must allow the deepest truth of my heart to be seen. I feel that this is part of my dharma. When I have been given the gift to taste something so sweet and soul-touching, my heart cannot do anything but clothe it in words and let the flow carry them.