Bhakti’s Embrace

This writing is the first part of my new blog, My Sweet Bhakti. Sharing all this is very intimate and sacred for me, and that is why making it visible also feels a little exposing and vulnerable. I have delayed writing and hidden behind beautiful texts, but now I received a strong guidance that I must allow the deepest truth of my heart to be seen. I feel that this is part of my dharma. When I have been given the gift to taste something so sweet and soul-touching, my heart cannot do anything but clothe it in words and let the flow carry them.

How did bhakti come into my life?

For five years I lived almost every morning in light. I woke up early and sat in meditation every day, from one to two hours. In this silence, the light filled me. My body rested in bliss, and at times my kundalini moved strongly, raising states of consciousness that I could never have imagined before. It was as if I was breathing in pure light of God.

Later I began to serve as a channel for the kundalini energy. I saw how the same light flowed through others and awakened energy in their bodies, opening doors to deeper experience. The light was real and beautiful, and for many it was the first touch of something greater in life.

But then I became ill. My body collapsed in a way I had never imagined. My nervous system could no longer hold me, and all the light I had learned to call upon seemed to disappear. As I lay sick, I could no longer sustain the state that had been the center of my life.

In the midst of illness I still traveled to lead a retreat in Egypt. I was at my weakest, and yet I still tried to carry the light and support others. But my body could no longer bear it. During and after the journey my breaking became even deeper. I was emptied of almost everything. My kundalini grew quiet, and meditation turned into complete silence. I did not see anything, I did not hear anything. There was only emptiness. I emptied myself also of spirituality and left only a white cloth on my altar. I died also to my dreams, my work, and in truth, to myself.

It was in this emptiness that my heart began to ask: What is the truth? My heart knew that the true God cannot disappear when we are sick or walk through pain. I felt that if God is love, it must be something that remains in every moment, even when I can no longer hold on. I began to sense that there is a deeper reality: a rooted love that does not fade.

Almost two months passed. Still, I sat every day in meditation, but in complete emptiness. No more visualization, no channeling, no experience of light. Only silence and an empty space where nothing happened. I accepted it, because deep inside I knew this was some kind of deeper death that my whole being was going through.

Then one morning, in the middle of this long silence, a divine being appeared. He looked at me intensely, straight into my eyes, and his gaze went directly into my heart. The amount of love was so great that tears rose to my eyes. He said he was Krishna. His eyes were bright blue, as if the whole cosmos was looking through them, infinite and divine. Yet at the same time his presence carried the warmth of humanity: chocolate-brown skin and dark hair that made him appear so deeply human as well.

His divine energy of love filled my whole body and my whole energy field. Words feel so small compared to this experience. I had known who Krishna was, but I had never been in contact with him or read deeply his teachings. And still, it was he who appeared, so close, as if he had always been there.

Right after our meeting I remembered that I had had a copy of the Bhagavad Gita in my bookshelf for over a year. I had tried to start it many times but had never managed to read more than a couple of pages. It had never called me before this moment.

Now it felt as if something had taken me by the hand and guided me straight to the book. I took it out and opened it. Suddenly everything fell into place. I read with tears, as if I had received a love letter from Krishna. Every word spoke directly to my heart and felt in my soul like something deeply familiar. In that moment I knew why life had emptied me so completely: so that I could see with my heart what had been with me all along.

Through the light I had tasted very deep and sacred moments, but Krishna came so that I could encounter divine love that does not fade. This love was not only a passing experience, but from it began to grow a beautiful and deep relationship. I feel that the light was the path that led me to this love, and love is what always carries me, even when I am sick, tired, or completely broken.

I am grateful for those years when the light carried me and opened my heart. But when life brought illness and exhaustion, the light alone was no longer enough. Then I understood: light shows the way, but its source is the love of God. From this, the path of bhakti opened for me.

What is bhakti?

Bhakti means love and surrender to God. It is the way of the heart, the relationship to the sacred that is the source of all life. Bhakti is not only philosophy or practices, but a living connection. Prayer, gratitude, songs, words, and even the small acts of daily life can all be bhakti. In truth, anything can be, when it is done out of love for God.

Bhakti is an ancient path. Its roots reach back to the sacred texts and songs of India, where throughout the ages the soul has sought union with God through love. It is a path that countless hearts have walked before us, and whose sweetness and holiness still carry today.

Bhakti does not belong to only one religion or one name. My heart opened to Krishna, but bhakti is a universal path. It is the same love, whether the closest name is Christ, Krishna, Buddha, Allah, or simply Universal Love. Bhakti is the language of love that crosses all boundaries and connects us to what we most deeply long for: love, connection, and safety.

In this blog I will share the loving message of bhakti, as well as my own journey and life on the path of bhakti. My Sweet Bhakti is my way of putting into words what my heart experiences on this path, moments when divine love has touched me so deeply that there are no words at all. This is my sweet and intimate way of living and sharing bhakti in the embrace of love and surrender. <3

My heart continues the story in the next part. You can find it here.